Caged Heart
by Lyswenn
Summary: Exams are approaching, the shadows of Weiss's past grow stronger, reminiscing of how easily her dreams can be shattered. Years of pressure have led her to grow terrified of what she has to lose: the life she has fought so hard for, the person she has tried so hard to become. She knows it can all be snapped away... and when it does, she loses herself on the way. Weiss-centric OS.


**A/N:** This is a very Weiss-centric one-shot. It contains references to things that happen in volume 4, without being too explicit. There are mentions of past psychological and physical abuse. Takes place both before and after the Fall of Beacon.

* * *

CAGED HEART

* * *

A melodious, high-pitched tune echoes through the library, causing curious heads to pop up and frown at the unwelcome noise.

"Crap."

Weiss bows her head in apology, wincing as her arm reaches down her chair. She grabs her faux leather satchel, pulling her Scroll out from it, only to stare at it in defiance. 'Father', it reads. She switches the sound off before stuffing the device into the bag again, shifting her attention back to the notes in front of her.

She knows them to be the reason why he would call. Final exams are approaching, and they are the keys to finally locking down her position as future huntress, in the eyes of her family. Or so she hopes, at least.

"Who was that?" Ruby squeaks.

A light growl escapes from Weiss's lips, loud enough to signify that this question shall not find an answer.

She had intended to work on her revisions alone, finding herself much more productive when surrounded with silence – but Ruby and Yang had been in need of help regarding their studies, their grades hardly above the passing mark, and Weiss's previous resolve had faltered.

There is no way she would let the rest of her team fail her here.

She regrets it now. While she compares her notes with Ruby's, her attention seems to be broken again and again, Ruby and Yang's snickers scratching at her ears. She grits her teeth, casting a desperate glance at Blake, but the Faunus girl is simply smiling at them, offering an endearing eye-roll at the sisters.

Weiss feels her blood seething in her veins, her finger twitching in anger. They don't understand. They wouldn't, she knows. Their carefree laughter meets the 'ssssh' of frustrated teenagers, and Weiss's shoulders drop in defeat. There is a gleeful sparkle in Ruby's eyes, an extra bump on Yang's cheeks as her smile extends across her lips, an endearing and caring expression adorning Blake's features.

None of them realize the heiress's career as a huntress, her dream, is at stake, here, right here. Feeble and fragile, it can be snapped in half at any moment. This life she has worked so hard to accomplish for herself, is all but within her firm grip. She feels it slipping away, at every moment of hesitation, every moment of doubt. Every step she takes, she could slip.

She feels drained from constantly having to prove her worth as an individual, swinging from one challenge to the other. She doesn't know when it will end, but she refuses to let them win. She will excel in every subject.

She swallows her fear in a deep breath, feels her lungs shivering while they keep it firmly concealed within her body.

Slamming her hands on the desk, she has decided.

"If your immature birdbrains cannot be bothered to focus, then I won't bother with your puerility. I'm done for today."

With that, she fills her satchel with her notes and leaves.

* * *

The dreaded day does indeed drop in on her, apathetic about her nerves building knots. They burden her, carving her body into the uncomfortable mattress. She lifts herself off the bed nonetheless, blinks through the stinging in her eyes.

Ruby is as energetic as ever, even in the morning. She manages to get Yang to rise up while Blake starts getting ready. Simple "Hello" and "Good morning" are exchanged, but Weiss responds to none of them. They should know better than to disturb her as she wakes up – especially on such an important day.

As they arrive in the cafeteria, it seems that her stomach is full of knots too, making it impossible for her to swallow down any solid food. She serves herself an extra cup of coffee to compensate, before finally strutting towards the classroom, team-mates in tow.

Her body shakes as it sits behind the desk, sweat covers her hand when she grabs a piece of paper and a pen. She is ready, she tells herself when she takes a look at the questions, but they drill a hole into her head and the space makes it harder to connect the dots. She needs to do this, she has to. A few breaths in, she manages to steady herself enough to think more properly, trying to break down the questions, circling words on her draft.

She can do this.

But even as she leaves the classroom, she cannot fight the doubts clouding her mind. Has she done well enough?

She brushes her hand against her forehead. She can hear her Scroll ringing, the haunting voice of her 'Father' lowly growling through the device, before calmly ending her life. He is going to bring her back to her dismal, colorless state of existence. And she will be colorless too. A blank canvas for her father to paint on as he wishes, turning her into exactly what he wants and what she doesn't.

At least, she'll get to play the piano again.

Before a whimper manages to escape her throat, she feels a bump against her shoulder, and her eyes regain focus to stare at the offending teenager. She gasps, ready to snap, but the fool is already muttering a brief 'sorry', not quite looking at her while strolling off. She sighs, admitting that the hallway is probably not the best place to get lost in your mind.

"Weiss, is everything okay?" Blake says as she steps behind her. "You've been… acting odd."

"I'm doing splendid."

Her voice is dipped in enough sarcasm to let her annoyance pierce through, but not enough to raise any further questions. Perfect. She doesn't want to explain, doesn't want to let the words burdening her slip away from her and latch onto them.

With a flip of her wrist, she throws the ivory hair of her ponytail behind her shoulder.

"Let's not waste any time here." She continues, her legs moving torwards the dorm rooms.

* * *

At the very least, she performs spectacularly well in the more... 'practical' exams. She knows her fighting to be excellent, unwavering despite the tiredness gnawing at her body.

She revels in the touch of Myrtenaster in her hand, confidently wielding it against Ren. He is a very good fighter, she has learned through their months at Beacon, and despite how well she had analyzed his fighting style, his unpredictable movements manage to surprise her. Her speed still gains the upper hand, and she finds pleasure in using her glyph in a way that matches his movements.

And she loves it. She loves the thrill of knowing that she is in control. She can bend gravity, she can make her body moves in ways she knows to be hers. She knows that, here, she has the power. She has the control.

And as she stands upright, the fight proudly won, she can see the mouths gaping. She holds her head high – not out of arrogance or cockiness, no. She knows she has earned her name here. Not for being born with it, but for what she has made of it. For properly displaying the intelligence and skills she is capable of, those she has spent so long honing, shaping them into a form that fits her will.

She knows she belongs. She serves a better purpose, here, training to fight and protect people, rather than waste her days locked away in a cold office.

* * *

And then, finally, the results are revealed. She holds the papers in her hand, swallowing with difficulty as she reads through them.

98, 96, 93, another 96… her worst grade turns out to be 89.

Pressing her lips together, she holds in a sigh. Scientific research… it had never been her strongest point. It's a passing grade, by quite a margin, but there is no reassurance that her father will be satisfied with this result.

Sat at her desk, she glances at the rest of her team-mates. All of them seem to be focused on the sheets in their hands. Blake is on her bed, slowly nodding, her index finger stuck between her lips. Ruby is right next to her, humming, whining, her voice rising and lowering at every note that she reads. Finally, Yang cries out in victory, sitting up from her own desk.

"I've passed!"

Smiles color the faces of Ruby and Blake, promptly congratulating her on her success. Yang bows, as extravagant as ever. To Weiss, it seems obvious that the girl has not even read through the teachers' notes. She readies herself to throw a reprimand, but Yang does not waste any time before turning to her.

"How have you done?"

Weiss is taken aback for a second, before glancing down at her papers then up again at Yang. She nods in response, before her gaze loses its focus. The exams are over now, and she is no longer rotting in fear of the results. But she doesn't quite feel like the burden has been lifted from her shoulders just yet. Some of it still remains, and she knows it will only continue to do so as long as her position at Beacon is not entirely secure.

She releases a heavy sigh before looking at Ruby and Blake.

"How about you?" she asks with a certain distance in her voice.

Ruby gives a sheepish smile. "I've passed! I've got a 61 in Linguistic studies, but hey I've scored 85 in Grimm studies and 96 in Weapon studies!"

Blake nods approvingly.

"I've passed too. As expected, Weapon studies has been my lowest, but I assume 76 is good enough."

Although reassured, Weiss finds herself unsure what to make of these grades. They all congratulate each other, Ruby promising to help Blake out next time. It is endearing, in a way, to see this overwhelming amount of support. This camaraderie is something she used to think of as a myth, a legend, another way to romanticize the life of huntsmen and huntresses.

But despite her resolve to remain optimistic, baneful thoughts obstinately sneak at the back of her mind.

What are they celebrating for?

These grades are nothing spectacular.

I would never even dream of getting away with such results.

The thoughts obscure her vision, clouding it with a dark fog, shying her away from the relief and bliss of this moment they are sharing. None of them have a clue, do they? They know nothing of the pressure, being shoved onto a pedestal you've never wanted to be on. They have never struggled to stay on this pedestal without losing sight of the world around.

She loathes this life that she struggles to lead.

And while she boils, a hand grabs her arm, fingers wrapping around it firmly.

Too firmly.

A gasp chokes her on its way out, the distorted noise sounding foreign, yet strangely familiar to her ears. Too familiar. Even through fabric, she feels the contact burn her skin. It sends myriads of electrifying, stinging dots, running up her shoulders, reaching the back of her neck and down her back.

Far too quickly, she stands up from her chair, her arm furiously grabbing the hand and forcing it away from her body.

She blinks a few times, squinting to force the fog out of her eyes.

She realizes that her team-mates are all staring at her, shock painted all over their face. Ruby is standing the nearest, both her arms into the air in surrender.

There is an extra split-second during which the heiress can see them trying to analyze her, trying to nitpick her behavior, to see through the frightened look she knows has flashed on her face.

But Weiss manages to recompose herself, with difficulty, she shapes her features into a more neutral, emotionless expression. She forces her eyebrows to spread apart, calmly reigning over her clear eyes. She blinks again. She can't release the pressure in her jaw.

"I, uh… sorry… I just thought… a group hug..." Ruby mutters, visibly at a loss.

Crap.

"Weiss, are y-" Blake starts.

"Congratulations on the exams."

Ignoring the painful strain in her voice, Weiss storms out of the room, accidentally slamming the door on her way. She pays it no mind.

She wills her legs to move forward, pushing her towards the bathroom at the end of the corridor. She runs into one of the stall, locking it behind her. She brings a hand to her mouth, trying to silence the sound of her breathing.

She feels her legs shaking below her. Closing the lid of the toilet, she sits on it, bringing her legs to her chest and curling her arms around them. Her breath is still out of control. She is out of control.

"It's okay, everything is okay."

It's only a whisper, but the sound of her own voice comforts her.

Just like it has for all these years.

"I'm at Beacon… And there is no taking me away from here."

* * *

She has been wrong, so wrong.

Looking out of the window, she feels a part of her detach itself from where it originally belongs. This shattered piece of her soul fits well within the cracks she sees below.

From this height, Beacon looks so small. And so… broken.

* * *

It has been a year. Perhaps a little more, perhaps a little less. Her memory feels blurry.

She finds herself in a similar position. Curled up on herself, making sure her combat skirt is covering her thighs enough, she stares at the fire in front of her. The evening twilight is above them, shadows dancing around their only source of light. Blake and Yang are sitting at her sides, Ruby staying a little further away to remain close to her big sister.

Nora's excited exclamations can be heard a little further away, as her and the rest of her team had respectfully agreed to set their own campfire, giving team RWBY enough privacy. Scrolls nearby, ready to contact them in case of need, they had all felt confident and safe enough with this setup.

Ruby and Yang seem to be in a rather vivid discussion, their leader excitedly recounting the crazy adventures she has been on, Yang eager to add her comments. Weiss can easily tell these two have been missing each other during the past year – had it been lonely for them, too?

Blake is watching over them as well, a smile on her lips, and a tint of pride in her eyes. She adds in a few commentary here and there as well, snickering when she deems fit. Had the past year been lonely for her, too?

Or had it only been lonely for Weiss?

They all seem so… cheerful. Despite the atrocities they have seen, despite the loss they have suffered, despite the threat constantly lingering above their heads. Ruby and Yang messing around, Blake watching over them carefully; it would almost feel as if everything has gone back to normal

Except it hasn't.

She can still pick on the odd crack in Ruby's voice, how her euphoria falters ever-so-slightly. For the most part, their leader does a good job at draping her emotions in her glee, Weiss notes with twisted admiration. She also notices how Yang's robotic fingers twitch every few seconds, sometimes followed by a released sigh from the brawler, itself replaced with a subtle, sorrowful look in her eyes. And she can see Blake's ears perked up on her black hair, attentive and careful to all the surrounding noises, her mouth open to keep check of her breathing.

Weiss finds a guilty comfort in these changes.

Because, she has changed, too.

She has yet to tell them about how her status had been so cruelly ripped away from her. While she had always held onto it dearly, she used to be convinced that this part of her would always remain just that – a part of her, among many others. Until now. Until she had lost it. Now, she isn't sure what this title means to her.

Now, she cannot speak of it, really, she cannot concisely put into words what it is exactly that has shifted at her core. Unlike them, she doesn't have the heart to pretend she is the same. She knows she is not; but she doesn't quite know who she is either.

She has probably lost herself in that manor anyway.

They have known for some time now that her relationship with her father has always been chaotic.

And while they had inquired about her months wasted away at the Schnee mansion ('How was it? How are you feeling? Did everything go okay? Do we need to crush somebody's skull?'), she had brushed their concerns off with a wave of the hand and a wavering smile.

She doesn't want to talk.

She can't.

She feels the bonds between them jitter, uncertain as to where the truth lies anymore. There is a poison clogging her brain, earning reactions she doesn't think herself capable of feeling. She wants to revel in her friends' presence as much as she wants to run away from them. She wants to find comfort in their warmth and support, but only finds it in the belief that they've probably changed, too, and perhaps their friendship cannot survive.

In that case, she would have expected it. She would have been prepared. So it would be okay, wouldn't it? It would all be fine, because she knows how fickle human relationships can be. And this time, this time she knows she would crush them before she is crushed again.

"Weiss?"

She lifts her head up, meeting silver eyes, below frowning eyebrows.

"Is everything okay? You seem a bit… out of it."

Silence.

"Are you tired? Maybe you'd want to sleep..."

She shrugs at Ruby, feeling far too defeated to put her thoughts into a proper phrase. She expects her answer to be enough, but unexpectedly, they all shift their attention to her. But she is not giving in, and all they really manage to do is replace the cozy atmosphere with an awkward silent. Nice.

"Hey, tell us about Atlas!" Yang finally speaks up. "I bet there were some nasty rich folks in there..."

Weiss scoffs, rolling her eye at how painfully correct the statement is. Sure thing Yang, let me tell you about the death grip my father had on my life, pressuring me into singing for a bunch of stuck-up idiots I ended up summoning a Boarbatusk at! What a nice story.

But Yang is a stubborn person and would not relent.

"Hey, look, Weiss… It's all fine if you'd rather just sit there and listen… but you know, you can talk to us, right? We can listen to you too."

Another shrug, less intense this time. She hears Blake whispering a quiet 'Weiss...' before she brings a hand to her forehead, rubbing against her eyebrows.

"It's… nothing. Nothing much. Nothing that you have to be concerned with."

But her voice falters, and she knows they would have none of it.

"We're concerned with you, dolt!" Ruby replies, proud of her word theft. She knows it would make Weiss react, and she is right.

"But it's… nothing."

Yang's unconvinced hum reaches her ears. Ruby even adds a nod mixed with an unsatisfied pout. Blake's stare speaks for itself.

Weiss sighs. And she fights.

She fights her thoughts, pounding against her skull, firmly refusing to be let out.

I don't know who I am, and I'm not sure who you are either.

"It has just… been… somehow difficult." She struggles with her heart, painfully trying to translate thoughts into words that it deems acceptable.

We all know this is just a masquerade.

"This is… this is new." She wrestles with her throat, that attempts to force the sounds back down.

How can I trust you now?

"I'm… I guess, I'm struggling to adapt." She battles against her tongue, tempted to slip and say more.

How can I know I won't be ripped away from this life again?

"I..."

She leaves the sentence unfinished. Incomplete. A duplicate to how she feels. She wouldn't expect them to understand, they never have.

And still, among attentive pairs of ears, Ruby is the first one to speak up. Weiss lets her hand falls on her lap, finally daring to look at them again.

"I get that. It's been quite some time, after all. We've all… we've all been through a lot."

Which you are all so willing to ignore.

"We know that, Weiss. The past few months have been a wreck, for all of us." She continues, startling Weiss and earning quiet nods from the other two.

"You tell me! It took me like eight months to finally start getting back on tracks. Losing my arm, I felt that my life was turned upside down, and I didn't know if I'd ever get used to it. T'was a pain. But I did grow past it when I didn't think I could. And now I'm here."

Ruby places a hand on her sister's shoulder, eyes glittering with pride, mirroring Blake's own. The worry on their features seems to alleviate a little.

"It really has been hectic." Blake confirms.

Nodding at these words, Yang sends a sympathetic smile to Weiss, before lifting her robotic arm towards Weiss.

"But look, now I can-"

But the rest of that sentence fails to reach Weiss.

Her eyes are closed, a hand instinctively raised to her face in defense. She is waiting. They all know, they all can clearly see, that is she awaiting a hit. It takes two seconds, perhaps three, for her to realize that it is not coming.

She forces her eyes open again, blinking a few times to release the pain of having shut them so tightly. She sees Yang hiding her robotic arm behind her back, but she still feels the beating of her heart pounding heavily against her ribcage. She cannot stop her body from trembling, even as they all stare, all very cautious of her behavior. She is very well aware that they know and she can't run.

I would die.

She straightens her back, unaware that she had curled up in the first place. She takes a deep breath, wondering why she hadn't been breathing to begin with. She knows full well that they are still observing her, making sense of the situation, and it takes the mental picture of herself being eaten by Beowolves to convince her to stay put.

"Are you hurt?" Yang growls, making her flinch. "I swear, Weiss, if you are, I will-"

"Yang, stop, you're making it worse." Ruby interrupts.

Weiss's erratic breathes prevent her from intervening. Her words are caught in gasps, and they won't escape. She wants to run, she wants to find her freedom to run. Even if she doesn't have a home to go back to anymore. She has to. To get away. She can't stay here, she can't stay anywhere. But she knows she can't. She can't, she can't, she just can't.

"Weiss..." Blake whispers, much calmer than her partner. "I am so, so sorry… for not realizing sooner how bad it was."

Her voice is soothing, soft and reassuring, close to a comfortable blanket caressing her. Blake has a wonderful voice, Weiss remembers. She may be terrible at singing, but her voice has always easily been able to reach this pleasant low that would appease even Yang merely through speaking.

Weiss feels her breathing slow down, returning to a bearable rhythm.

"It's… It's okay." She presses her lips together. "I didn't know how bad it was either."

It comes out as a shiver, unstable and restless. She is exhausted. Her body is aching and her mind is lost.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Blake inquires.

And the first tear spills. It rolls down her flushed cheeks, until it reaches her lap. She sniffs, trying to hold it in for a little longer, but she knows she has reached long past her limit.

"It was bad." She mutters in a cry.

She repeats it a few times, her shoulders shaking beyond her control, cowering in shame and disgust at the words her voice dare to pronounce. She is tired, so tired, and she is done, so done. She wants to stay and she wants to leave. She doesn't know which desire to carve into, which direction to follow. She is stuck, in-between, frozen in horror, and that is the last thing she wishes to feel.

"It's okay, it's okay..." Ruby tries to whisper.

"You don't have to talk any more, Weiss." Blake reassures.

The Faunus slowly, very slowly leans in, hoping to catch Weiss's gaze.

"You don't have to talk if it's too hard. But I will." Their gazes finally meet, and Blake smiles. "I'm not going to pretend I understand exactly how you feel. But I think I have an idea."

Blake allows herself to inhale, before continuing.

"I know what it is, to be used. Someone… someone tried to do just that. He tried to shape me into something I didn't want to become, but I thought… I didn't have a choice. I forced myself to accept things I now realize I should have never agreed to. I lived in fear, of living with what I did, of waking up to the consequences, of becoming something I didn't ever want to be. I convinced myself that I had to."

Yang frowns, understanding the demon hauting them both, and her partner sends her an apologetic look.

"It took me years to admit to myself that I didn't deserve this treatment. That I could do better. That… I deserved better. And it took me even more time to finally gather the strength I needed to actually break free. Even after I did… I wasn't really sure who I was anymore. What part of me was what he had shaped me into, and what part was actually… me? It was a struggle to make the difference. I'm not sure I've made it, honestly."

She offers a smile, taking another deep breath.

"But being part of team RWBY was, I believe, a step in the right direction. I've managed to find friends I could trust in, and I've made the most significant progress. I've learned how to deal with the fears and doubts, and I've learned more about me than I ever could during… those years. Even though we spent the past year apart, and things have obviously changed for everyone, I know that being part of this team is what I am supposed to do."

She bows her head, concluding her speech. Weiss looks down at the ground in response. She isn't sure how to feel about being read so easily, despite all of her efforts to hide and discard her insecurities. Blake had most likely read right through it all.

Ruby scoots closer to them, a delicate, yet genuine smile on her lips.

"Blake's right. Team RWBY is your home. I mean, if you want it to be. We're always with you and we'll always be here for you."

Weiss sniffs, attempting to breathe a bit of strength to regain her composure again. She wipes a tear away before it even gets the chance to fall on its own.

There is a flicker of hope, somewhere, in her. She tries to blow on it, to make its flame fade away. She cannot allow herself to let it grow, to let it consume her. She recognizes it as naive. The life that she has so yearned for will be ripped away from her again, as much as she would fight it back, it has to be inevitable.

But she knows what she wants, and this small flame within her refuses to dissipate. Despite the looming risk of losing her dreams all over again, this hope is not giving in. It knows her friends are right, and albeit she refuses to trust this gut-feeling, she knows that there is nowhere else she'd rather be than with them right now.

So, maybe, just maybe, she can allow herself to hold onto the hope that, maybe, just maybe, they will stay.

* * *

 **A/N:** Original idea by pipsqueak216 on tumblr: "Would anyone be interested in writing a short fic where someone goes to give Weiss a high five or something and she flinches in response?"

Albeit a bit different, I try to keep the idea as much as I could. I hope it's good enough. Thanks for reading!


End file.
